Wednesday, December 6, 2006

What WAS I Thinking?!

So, Twinkle and I just got home from play rehearsal. I'm just about done. This isn't fun. I'm not a stage mother.

How can I get so angry at my beautiful, darling? She's only 5 1/2. I love her so. I just get so angry when she doesn't listen. It's the kind of not listening that makes you want to knock your head against a wall. Am I expecting too much? I don't think so. I mean it's simple listening like, "please be quiet"..."stopping talking"..."we cannot talk while we're in here" and she JUST DOESN'T STOP.

Good Lord, is it me?

I told her earlier in the day that if she didn't listen better tonight at rehearsal and didn't behave better that we were not going back and she wasn't going to be in the play. Now I can' t decide if she was better, or not. You know, she may have listened one time more than she did last night, but I was still just tearing my hair out the whole time. I don't think I was really all that tired and cranky. I did get a little nap after lunch, so I didn't spend the rest of the day feeling tired. Now, I feel like one of those squishy heads that you squeeze to relieve stress and it makes the eyes and everything pop out.

All of this leads me to wonder, what was I thinking when we decided to add another child to our family? If one child makes me feel this way, what happens when there are 2 of them? That makes me really sad to think about. I truly want another child. But I don't want to feel this way and scar 2 children for life. I don't want to be an angry mother. I know that Twinkle sees more than anger from me. It really is just this whole play experience that's pushing me over the edge. I know that on any given day I'm not like this. Lately it seems like I'm always a little tense, though. I really hate it. I feel so overwhelmed.

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