Things That Make Me Smile

Well, thanks to my procrastinator ways, this first thing really makes me smile. The white qipao that I bought for Sparkle in China back in May to wear for her baptism still fits! Yea! (This link is not the dress, obviously, but it's just here to show you what a qipao is. And since the picture is kinda small, it's still hard to tell. It's a dress.)

Interestingly, white is a color of mourning in China, not of celebration. They have these baby sized qipaos in white at the stores in Guangzhou, I think, because of the number of Americans adopting babies that will be baptized back home. I did buy Sparkle a red one for New Years, and I really considered using it for her baptism. What would Fr. D say? Actually, I'm a little afraid it would bleed in the baptismal font.

So, that's one thing that makes me smile. I don't have to go searching for a baptism gown sometime between now and November 4. Whew!

The other thing that makes me smile is the following conversation that took place between Twinkle and me last night. She was an angel yesterday. Very well behaved all day. No whining. No arguing. It was wonderful. I guess it got to her, because she had a little bit of a cry fest while getting ready for bed over something very tiny. After she recovered, she decided that she wanted to go to sleep in her bed, instead of on the couch as had been previously discussed.

She asked, "Mom, could you read me a story and then snuggle with me?"
Me: Sure that sounds like a great idea.
T: You're welcome to do that any night you'd like that I go to sleep in my bed. (that phrasing?!)
Me: OK
T: But not Dad.
Me: Oh? Why not?
T: Because HE just reads POEMS!!!!

I laughed so hard. Then she said, "Well, he doesn't ALWAYS read poems."

Later, after we'd read a story and I was snuggling with her in her bed, she turned over and looked me in the eye and said, "Mom. POEMS!" Which, of course, made me die laughing again. I said, "You're so funny!" and T (my girl) said, "YES I AM!"

Oy.

One Step Closer

Not only have I made the call, I actually went to the doctor today.

AND I had to take both girls with me. They were very well behaved. I was incredibly thankful.

My doctor was as understanding as I remembered. She did prescribe the medication that I previously took and faxed the prescription in for me. I went to pick up the prescription from the pharmacy and was informed that my insurance company requires pre-authorization for this medication. I seem to remember that from before. I'm not overly concerned that they won't do it, but I am slightly annoyed that they have an inkling that they may know better than my doctor.

Whatever. The upside is that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I may not start on the meds today, but I will shortly and in a few weeks, I'll be a new Mrs. Swizzle.

The Decision Has Been Made

Well, mostly...

I haven't actually made the call, and deciding to do that could take a few weeks, but I've PRETTY MUCH decided that I'm going to get back to my doctor and get back on my happy pills.

Shortly after Twinkle was born, and I honestly can't remember how long - could be a few months, could be a year - I started taking Welbutron. I have a wonderful doctor who thinks it's silly for people to suffer from any level of depression with so many wonderful medications available. I stopped taking it a little over a year ago.

Lately, I've been keeping to myself a lot. Partly by choice, partly by being "homebound" while Sparkle naps. In the process, I fear I'm alienating some of my friends. While they may have always realized that I'm not the best at returning phone calls and such, I think my recent disappearance is throwing them off.

Most of my friends don't realize that lately I spend most days irritated. Just generally irritated. I can't pinpoint any one thing that irritates me. Though, I can say that I'm irritated by things that really shouldn't irritate me.

I find that I'm not enjoying my girls. Sparkle is on the verge of walking. I should be encouraging that, but it seems like I hardly even play with her. She naps pretty well, but most days when she wakes up from her nap, I just think "can't you sleep a little longer?" Twinkle is pure joy in her very core. I'm afraid I'm going to mess that up with all the snapping at her that I do.

And Mr. Swizzle? He's at least above the dog in the order of things around here. Well, except for when the dog was sick a couple of weeks back. Then, he may have been at the bottom.

Last Sunday, I left the house around noon to go to the church for a knitting gathering. I was really looking forward to it. I had a blast. But I have to admit, when I left the house I thought, "My family isn't expecting me back until 3 or 3:30. I could just get on the freeway and drive. How far could I get?"

Having taken happy pills before, I know I can feel better. Yes, I want to feel better for me. Certainly. But, my family and my friends deserve a happy, less cranky Mrs. Swizzle.

Now I need to just make that phone call.

Thanks Heavens It's Not Just Me!!!

Stop what you're doing right now, and click this link. Trust me, just do it. Then laugh until you stop.

Creativity is Good, Right?

Friday when I went to pick Twinkle up from school I had the following conversation with her PE teacher.

Teacher: Twinkle told me that over the summer she was riding her bike on the hill in front of her house and had a wreck and had to have surgery on her face.

Me: Uh...

Teacher: I told her that she didn't look like she had any scars.

Me: (to myself - Obviously, this woman has my child confused with some other kid.) Aloud - uh, no. No surgery.

Teacher: Yeah, it didn't really seem right.

Me: Yeah, um, no, that didn't happen.

Fast forward --- Twinkle is securely buckled in and we're on our way home.

Me: Twinkle, your teacher told me that you told her you had a wreck on your bike and had to have surgery on your face this summer.

T: Oh! Yeah! (all excited)

Me: Why did you tell her that?

T: I was just telling her a story.

Me: Yeah, but you didn't tell her it was a story. You made it sound true.

T: Well, remember when I DID ride my bike down the street and I DID have an accident?

Me: Yes, but that was 2 years ago.

T: Well, yeah, but that part is true!

Me: OK, what about the face surgery?

T: Well, that part FEELS true, but it isn't.

Me: Right. OK. I'm really glad you're so creative and all, but it really isn't nice to tell people something as if it's true when it isn't really true. You need to make sure they know you're just telling them a story.

T: OK. It felt true, but it wasn't.

Me: Right.

Deep Breath

You know, it's hard to post when you don't feel like doing anything. And boy, I feel like doin' nuttin'. Absotively nuttin'.

It kinda sucks. Or possibly, blows.

I'm not sure what it is. I'm feeling really...ugh. I feel like I have so many things that I need to do, and I don't want to do any of them. I'm just going one day to the next. Feeling overwhelmed and thinking, "tomorrow, tomorrow...I'll do that tomorrow. It's ALWAYS a day away....."

There are many things about which I think, "it's just short term." But short term seems to be drawing out more and more. It seems to be turning into a "not so short term."

I keep thinking I need a girls' night. It'd be great. I don't feel like setting THAT up.

I need a kick in the pants. I NEED more sleep. I probably need more exercise, because that has fallen off with the addition of the new little one. Better food would be a good thing.

But see? Listing those things out? Doesn't make me feel any better. It just makes me feel more overwhelmed.

Send me some love. Send me some prayers.

I'm going to bed.

Now My Dog Has Been Tagged!

MB, at Terrapin Station, kindly sent along these questions for Senna from her pups, Josie and Boudreaux:

Okay, Senna! Josie and Boudreaux want some answers to the Five Questions meme...

1) Will we be meeting you at the Blessing of the Animals this coming Sunday? If we do, and we bark at you, will you be offended? (We don't really understand that dogs as big as you ... could eat us for a snack.)
I'm not sure I'm going to make it to the Blessing of the Animals. I went last year and it was great! That big, tall guy in the dress kinda freaks me out, though. If I'm there, you can bark at me and I won't be offended, though I may sniff you.

2) What is your favorite place to play? At home, the park, with your people?
My favorite place to play is the backyard! Sometimes, mom throws my Frisbee and sometimes I just run along the fence and try to catch cars, or other dogs.

3) What do you usually eat for dinner? Do you get any leftovers, or is it just DOG FOOD ALL THE TIME?
Dinner is the best! I just got this new food that doesn't make noise when you put it in the bowl! It's nice and soft. Tastes like chicken. I don't usually get leftovers, but the new, smallest human is very generous in sharing her food with me.

4) If you got to go on a vacation, where would you want to go?
Well, I went on vacation once. There were a lot of trees there. I'd like to go there again. It was great! Mom says it's called "the woods" and it's where her parents live. She also says we have to look out for "ticks", whatever that is.

5) How do you feel about going in the car?
The car?! We're going in the car?! Gotta go!!!!!!