Update

Doctors confirmed that my friend, J, has Acute Myeloid Leukemia. She is starting chemo today.

The word is that it is treatable, her doctors expect full remission, but the chemo is really a bitch. A "simple" infection or exposure to germs could do her in. She is such a strong person, and is in my thoughts and prayers constantly. I know she can come through this. She said yesterday that she knows that the prayers will give her the strength that she doesn't have on her own. Say a prayer for that strength. And courage, and....

Though it's only noon, it's been a good day with Twinkle so far, even though she came in and slept with us at some point during the night. I'm definitely tired today, and may try a power nap when Sparkle takes her afternoon nap, though she hasn't woke up from her morning nap yet.

On a brighter note, literally, the sun is out - at least for now. We have a Flash Flood Watch until 7pm, so I guess it's going to rain some more. But, for now, the sun is out. The lake that's less than a mile from our house is 8 feet above normal. Last year at this time, it was 8 feet below normal. It's a lovely sight to behold.

So is the sun.

Life is Crazy

Two posts in one day? Yeah, it's an odd day.

After battle with Twinkle this morning, the rest of the day with her has gone much better. Not sure how the night will go.

I found out this afternoon that a dear friend who kicked breast cancer's ass a year ago is at the hospital now to have a bone marrow biopsy. Her doctors are fairly sure she has leukemia, though I don't know if they know what type. I have no words for this, though most of them would have #$*#*^!~ somewhere in them.

This news arrived after receiving an email from a friend that her 52 year old sister died last night after 9 months of battling breast cancer.

So, as I dive deeper into the pit, I go over to MB's blog where she has posted a "Grouchy Gratitude List". Oy. My eyes tear up, my heart races. Where's the gratitude? Where can you find gratitude on a day like today?

Here goes:
1) My Twinkle is the embodiment of joy. I could learn from her.
2) My Sparkle is 11 months old today and has been with us, her forever family, for a month and a half. She has bonded so well to us, especially me, that it tires me out. It's a good tired.
3) My good friend, S, is a week away from giving birth to another precious girl. I can't wait to meet this new little one.
4) Mr Swizzle turns 40 this weekend. We are having as many friends as possible over to celebrate.
5) I'm a lucky, lucky woman to have the friends and family that I have.

Thank you MB.

Heaven Help Us All

What a day. It's not quite noon.

Can anyone out there tell me some magical formula for making a six year old listen? I realize the addition of a sibling is causing some angst that is coming out in all sorts of ways. Ways that don't seem to be related to said sibling. Apparently, it's also a six year old thing to be obstinate.

For about a week now, Twinkle has been waking up multiple times a night saying she's having bad dreams. In her very dramatic way, she informs us "I just can't take the nights!!!" Sometimes, she just cries without actually waking up. Not in a night terrors kind of way, because she's had those before. Doesn't wake her up, but wakes us up. Last night, I don't know how many times she cried. Most nights she ends up in our bed. I wonder if somehow, even subconsciously, she feels like that's the only time she gets us to herself.

Today, she's been ... bi-polar? I thought I was going to scream earlier because she was being so defiant. Now, she's all "I love you, mommy" with a cheesy grin on her face. It seems like the only reason that she's not getting in trouble for not listening right this moment, is because I'm not doing anything she should be listening to. I know she feels sorry for earlier, and maybe the cheesy grin is a way to see if I'm still angry with her.

I hate doing this everyday. I hate feeling like I fight with her everyday. I hate feeling annoyed every single day. Mr. Swizzle probably wonders why I don't get out of the house more and go do things. It's just not worth the fight. I need to take Sparkle to get more blood drawn (long story) but I just don't want the hassle of the fight I expect from Twinkle.

Everything is a fight. And I'm wearing down to nothing.

Oh, My God, the Dog Hair!

I find myself slightly wishing we didn't have a dog. We've had dear old Senna for 4 years now. She was born the night the US invaded Iraq. That's how I keep up with how long we've been there.

Anyway, this dog... I love this dog. She really is a sweety when she's not pretending she's Cujo. BUT. The Dog. Sheds. A. Lot. No really. I've told several people that I think we could make another dog every week with the hair I clean up. I don't remember her shedding like this the past couple of years.

Of course, we have added a 10 month old to the house in the last few weeks. A 10 month old who crawls, army style, all over the hard wood, dog hair coated floors. We should have named her Swiffer. In fact, I may start referring to her as "Swiffer" here instead of Sparkle. Though she does make my world sparkle.

I honestly cannot believe that I can sweep or swiffer every single day and still get covered in dog hair when I pick up Sparkle.

I can't keep up. I just had this realization, not related to dog hair, as I walked through the kitchen. Oy, I can't keep up. All of the bottles are dirty again? Hmm. How about that? It's Saturday. You mean I have to constantly clean on Saturday, too?

I received a piece of junk mail this past week that I've received many times before. All of the other times, the slogan has annoyed me. This week, I just read it and thought "You ain't kiddin', sister." The slogan on the outside? "Life's too short to clean your own house." It does still get under my skin a little, that slogan.

When we returned from China, Mr. Swizzle's mom said something about how we should get a maid. My first reaction, as it usually is with her, was along the lines of "how dare she?!" But, Mr. Swizzle saw some merit in it, and I think she WAS actually thinking about saving me some cleaning. (Of course, I was still cussing from her chopping the hell out of my rose bush while I was gone, but hey. I WILL let that go one of these days.)

So, I'm considering taking the plunge and getting some help cleaning the house. How sad is that? I mean, yes I do have 2 kids. But JUST 2. I'm a stay at home mom. What else do I have to do but clean the house? "Life's too short to clean your own house"? But, I don't really have a life. So, where does that leave me?

I really am HATING the dog hair, though.

Update from Chez Swizzle

It's been almost 2 weeks since we returned from China. Sparkle seems to be pretty much adjusted to the time change. She now goes to bed around 9, wakes up about an hour later for a couple of minutes, then sleeps the rest of the night until about 7:30.

Now, daytime naps? That's a whole other issue.

At first, she would take about an hour nap in the morning, then a 3 hour nap in the afternoon. This week? Tuesday morning she fell asleep in the car on the way back from dropping Twinkle at VBS. So guess what? When we got home, I closed the garage, opened the car door, opened the door to the house, and let her sleep. She napped about 45 minutes. That's the one morning nap she's had this week.

Afternoon naps? I won't go into the daily details, but I think the longest afternoon nap she's had was just short of 2 hours. This makes for cranky baby (and cranky mommy) right around 6pm.

I'm just stuck wondering what to do. If she naps for a total of 2-3 hours a day, can I put her to bed at 7 and have her sleep all night? I really would like to get her to bed earlier than 9 at night. If I do that, am I totally screwed on naps? WWSND? (super nanny)

Today, she's having a morning "nap". She just IS, damn it. Maybe we should call it alone time. I took her upstairs a little before 10 and she was rubbing her eyes and still, but not wanting to sleep. I put her into her crib about 10 and left. She cried for maybe 5 minutes, and now, 30 minutes later, is still awake, but not crying. Just hanging out.

This baby really needs to learn the joy of sleep. Really.

What Would I Do Without Mr. Swizzle?

It's really too scary to think about.

He is upstairs with Sparkle right now, trying to help her back to sleep. She slept better last night: 11-9. That came after he was with her for about 2 hours - 1 asleep and 1 crying. She just woke up after having been asleep for 1.5-2 hours. I'm not quite sure. Hopefully she'll go back to sleep quickly and sleep the rest of the night.

Mr. Swizzle has much more patience than I do for the whole thing. He can sit in the same room while she cries. He reassures her the whole time, but doesn't pick her up to comfort her.

I just can't do it. I can't stand the sound. I'd rather hold her on me for hours, even if I'm uncomfortable, just to keep her quiet.

It really is better for him to be doing this. It astonishes me that he doesn't get frustrated or frazzled. I really can't grasp the concept of going through what he's doing and not coming out the other side needing a whiskey. And pulling my hair out. And screaming at the top of my lungs - while hopefully not choking on the whiskey.

God bless Mr. Swizzle. He's saving lives. And my sanity.

Since Elastigirl Asked

Your Dominant Intelligence is Spatial Intelligence

You've got a good sense of space and how the world around you looks. You can close your eyes and "see" images. You have innate artistic talent. An eye for color and shapes, you're also a natural designer. Since you think in pictures, visual aids and demonstartions help you learn best. You would make a good navigator, sculptor, visual artist, inventor, architect, interior designer, or engineer.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

So Tired

We're back from China. I think.

This seems to be my house and not a hotel room. Sparkle is doing well. You can follow all the happy, fun parts here.

If we could just get Sparkle on Texas time, I'd be feeling pretty good. As it is, she treats the night time like 2 naps with the potential for play in between. Last night kinda sucked. I think it was payback for telling friends yesterday "last night wasn't too bad". Not too bad, huh? I can fix that!

I certainly didn't go into this thinking it'd be all wine and roses. I'm a little surprised that things that feel a little like "post partum depression" are springing up without the "post partum" part. I know in my brain that it is lack of sleep. Dear, sweet sleep.

I guess it's a combination of jet lag and a baby who wants to play at 3am. I know that we'll get there. I know that these things do pass and that when you're in the middle of them it seems like they won't. Then a few weeks later you look back and remember how you thought it'd never pass.

Right now, I'm in survival mode. But only just. I really need to do some laundry. I really need to buy toilet paper and the cheese crackers that Twinkle likes. I think she's tired of hearing "we're out, honey". She's been quite a trooper. Earlier in the week when Sparkle took her afternoon nap and Mr. Swizzle and I napped as well, Twinkle sat downstairs watching Nickelodeon alone. She only complained a little. I can't figure out if she's being ignored or getting away with more than usual, or both.

Twinkle does play well with her sister, and has only desperately needed to sit in my lap while her sister was there a couple of times. I know she'll eventually get tired of Sparkle taking so much of my time, but I'm not going to worry about that until it happens.

Like I said...survival mode.