I've Been a Mother of Two for a Year

Today marks the one year anniversary of Sparkle being given to us in China. I think in years to come we'll celebrate the day in some special way, but this year I don't think she'd notice. We've played a lot today and I've taken lots of pictures, but that isn't so different from any other day.

It's been quite a year. Memories of that day are just like memories of giving birth. The sights and sounds in the room. Other families being formed at the same time. Being anxious all morning leading up to the moment. Heck, being anxious for the 2 years prior.

I expected to feel a little bit like I was babysitting someone else's child at first. After all, there's a bit of a difference between having a newborn, and being handed at 9.5 month old. I really prepared myself for not feeling connected or wondering when this kid's parents were going to come get her. (I did wonder that after giving birth to Twinkle). But from the moment I saw her, I knew she was mine. I'd seen a picture of her and stared at it for 2 months, but that was nothing compared to seeing her across the room.

I remember saying to Mr. S when they brought her out, "That's her!" I can't remember if he looked at me like was crazy or said something like, "Yeah" like I was crazy, but I'm sure he thought the heat was affecting my brain. I mean we were standing in line and we were next and they were bringing babies out of the other room - of course it was her. I can't explain it, but to me, it was HER. SHE was the reason I was on the other side of the planet. Getting her was like getting a piece of my heart returned to me.

I don't know why, but she has been mine from the beginning. I've never doubted it for a minute.

If you'd like to take a peek at my non-anonymous side and see video of "the moment" you can do that here.

Here's to Cocktails

I had an appointment with my doctor on Friday to get my happy pills refilled. I have to go in every 6 months for them to make sure everything is working OK. I told my doctor that for the most part I am feeling better than before. I know I've accomplished some things that I wouldn't have otherwise.

I also told my doctor that some days I wonder if they sent me sugar pills. On those days, I've mentioned many times on here, I feel annoyed by the smallest thing and once I'm annoyed with one thing, it snowballs all day. They are things that, as am ranting about them, I know are not things that I should be annoyed by. The children's laughter getting louder and louder, for example. My doctor suggested adding a "tiny, baby dose of Prozac" to my Welbutrin. Apparently Prozac has many uses these days ranging from the kind of irritability I'm experiencing to irritable bowel syndrome. Seeing it written out like that makes me wonder what I'm saying about myself.

Anyway, I know many of you commented before that I should talk to my doctor and that some kind of combination may be helpful. I just waited until now to do it. I'm 2 days on the Prozac and have to go back in about a month and a half to report back. I have my fingers and toes crossed that it will do the things she said it could.

Enjoying being with my children AND not screaming? Sweet.

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